Relationships go through cycles. To put it simply: One minute you’re hot and the next you’re cold. It’s not always about who you’re with or how long you’ve been together, sometimes it’s about the way you feel about yourself or other things that are going on in your life. It’s easy to freak out and think that a dry spell means the end of all those long nights and lazy days spent roaming under the blankets, but before you call it quits take a deep breath and read this article.
You can get the passion back.
First make sure you aren’t going through a rough patch because of a lack of communication. Sit down and talk with your partner about their wants and needs. Find out what’s going on at work or in other areas of their life. Ironically, since sex is a great stress reliever, stress can make sex the furthest thing from our minds. If one of you is working too hard then try to understand that and either make time for intimacy or accept that things won’t always be as busy as they are right now. In a long term relationship it’s normal to go through a period of low libido as long as you are focused on getting it back on track when you are both able.
Next figure out if you’re having issues because of how one of you feels about yourself. If you’ve been together a long time it’s possible that you aren’t feeling as slim or as sexy as you were when you first got together. It’s okay! It happens to most of us, but it doesn’t mean that it can’t have an impact on your self-esteem and as a result, your sex life. If the thought of getting down and dirty is putting you off because you don’t feel sexy then try to remember that your partner probably loves you just the way you are. Work on being okay with changes in your body over time but also consider making a few lifestyle changes to boost your confidence. Regular exercise can provide a huge boost to the flailing libido!
Finally, if things are just getting a little repetitive, sit down and figure out what’s missing. Once you’ve been with someone a long time it is easy for sex to become a process of ‘going through the motions’ and sometimes it’s hard to get excited about that. Go back to basics and start exploring your options. You could try watching porn together and finding out what interests one or both of you. Maybe you’d like to experiment with couple oriented toys like the We-Vibe or similar. Perhaps you’d like to try role-playing or some light BDSM. There is an endless sea of sexual options out there so there’s no excuse for letting things get boring in the bedroom.
Hopefully you’ve gained a few pointers and are ready to start spicing things up in the bedroom. The key thing to remember is to stay calm and work through your issues. Nothing ruins sex faster than stressing out about why you aren’t getting any!